Day 7
The troops assembled at lunchtime, in the bar of the Holiday Inn, Brentford. A walk of around three-quarters of an hour took us to the White Cross, Richmond, where a TV crew was waiting to film material, and we were joined by the staff of the Rugby Players’ Association. A few pints, and a twenty-minute walk later,  everybody was ensconsced at journey’s end, the Barmy Arms, where further TV footage was recorded.



Graham Rowntree (‘Wig’) had secured a brief exeat from the England camp to come and welcome us all.



The sun continued to shine on the idyllic riverside setting, as we enjoyed a curry and more pints of Hambo bitter. Tributes were paid to Dame Dowse and Admiral Judge Hanging Pugwash-Jackson, who was then hauled before a hastily convened court, on a series of charges, including blocking his boat’s toilet with a 12-inch deposit and damaging the ozone layer with his repeated methane emissions.



The one-man jury (Hambo) found him guilty on all charges, and he was forced to down a pint in one, and wear a hideous pair of flowery knickers.

At Hambo’s request, a sing-song followed, with traditional rugby anthems being sung straight, before receiving inventive reworkings by the irrepressible Pugwash.

A great way to end a great week. See you next year!..BB

Day 6
This was a memorable day – and not only because it was the last full day of the walk. The extra hour in bed was cherished by all those who’d enjoyed a late night at the Swan and Bottle, in Uxbridge. The final leg of the journey to Brentford was less than eleven miles, with only a handful of locks, seven of them in quick succession, at Hanwell.

After a 7.45 start, the advance party from the lead boats  reached the final Hanwell lock shortly after 11 o’clock, and made straight for the Fox Inn, where a lengthy lunch break had been written into the schedule.

Soon after they had sat down to enjoy their first pint of the day (Timothy Taylor Landlord – excellent!), they were joined by one of the legends of the game. Jason Leonard OBE, England’s most-capped player, the Fun Bus, had found time in his busy schedule to show his support for Walk4Matt2010.

One of the toughest tasks he had to perform was to sign the (very  large)  artificial mammaries which one of the victims of the previous night’s court session had been forced to wear, as part of the stiff sentence passed by Hanging Judge Pugwash.



Then, Jason moved on to welcome a party of teenagers from John Mason School, Abingdon, who had joined us for the day. They had links with SpecialEffect, and had raised well over a thousand pounds in sponsorship. Well done to all of them – not least, for reminding us that the Daily Mail view of the modern teenager can be very wide of the mark. They were a credit to their school. Jason, it should be pointed out, was looking very trim – already in training for next year’s Ireland-England Legends game? – and was sticking to lime and lemonade, as his wife was ill, and he was driving.

From the Fox to Brentford Marina is not much more than two  miles, and the flotilla was soon pulling up at its final moorings, in bright sunshine. Then, on to the Sun Inn, Richmond – that most popular of rugby pubs, and a favourite haunt of Mr. Leonard. Just like last year, the great man left a large contribution behind the bar, which was again much appreciated by all.



Then came the special surprise. Roy had set aside this evening for the presentation of the walk trophies. As he stepped forward, to take centre stage, in his customary shy, retiring way, he was followed by none other than the Lion Man himself, Sir Ian McGeechan, who had travelled down from Leeds to make the presentations. The presence of the great man showed the high esteem in which Hambo is held, and also reminded us that Geech is just as at home  mixing with grass roots (and, in our case, grass-skirted) supporters, as he is plotting the downfall of a southern hemisphere giant. Around twenty trophies were presented, and it must have been an enormous thrill for all the winners to be photographed receiving them from one of the game’s true legends. Those photographs will take a prominent position (alongside the trophy) in around twenty living rooms, up and down the country.

Truly, a day to be remembered and many thanks to Jase and Geech – legends, and gentlemen...BB

Day 5
So, what of our 24-hour teetotaler? Mission accomplished, and a substantial amount of money raised, but at what cost? When questioned early in the morning, at the end of their voluntary day of abstinence, *** confessed to feeling worse than after a bad hangover.

Normal business was resumed PDQ, their boat’s wine reserves came under attack, and *** was soon seen lying comatose on a lock gate. This particular road to redemption had clearly been nothing more than a cul-de-sac. Once again, only perdition beckoned.

This was another 5a.m. start – mercifully, the last of such self-inflicted tortures, but it was a day which  could hardly have gone more smoothly. The manual had anticipated over 12 hours to negotiate the nearly 18 miles and 26 locks between the Fishery, Hemel Hempstead, and the Swan and Bottle, Uxbridge. Amazingly, the first pair of boats cruised into their moorings at 1.30 pm – around four-and-a-half hours ahead of schedule. Everything had gone like lockwork.

The early arrival gave people the chance to appreciate the delights of this market town, on the edge of London. The fairly new Pavilions shopping centre, the not so new Chimes shopping centre, the downtown Tesco, the traffic lights and yellow lines, the illuminated signs – so much to see, so little time.



The highlight of the evening at The Swan and Bottle came in the shape of a tour court, presided over by Admiral Pugwash Jackson, in his alter ego, as Judge Jeffries Hang ‘em High Royston Jackson.



In the best traditions of Nazi show trials, victim after hapless victim was dragged into the box, to face vindictive charges, character assassination by the viciously aggressively prosecution counsel, with not even a token defence being offered by their own hopelessly ineffectual legal representative. Clerk of the court Hambo, looking resplendent in the legal wig which covered the growing numbers of bare areas upon his distinctive and sizeable dome, joined in the fun, and seemed to be trying to match Judge Jackson, with a series of bullying comments to the doomed defendants.

The preposterous list of trumped up charges included drinking Malibu and Coke, driving the boat too fast, driving the boat too slowly, tweaking Pugwash’s nipples, diving into the canal at the launch party, canoodling in the shower, vomiting, falling down steps, etc…



Punishments ranged from drinking ‘canal water’ to donning fake breasts and grass skirts for 24 hours, eating biscuits (Flamehead the Sarrie), to wearing a halo. The most memorable moment came when Dame Susan Dowse, who had brought a charge of mooning against one of Hambo’s carers, was required to attend an identity parade. Six quivering buttocks were exposed to the good lady, whose eyes misted over briefly. As she swayed in horror, leaning upon  a nearby pillar for support, she managed to utter the words “That’s the one!”, before giving way to the vapours, and requiring immediate medical attention.

A confession. The bit about the Dame’s reaction to witnessing three prime rumps was a total fabrication. The truth is that she was seen to purr with pleasure, before downing yet another strong drink, in a vain attempt to control her rising lust.

Take your pick!

The one merciful thing which Admiral Pugwash did was to announce that Friday’s planned start of 6.45 was to be put back by an hour. An extra hour in bed was like manna from heaven, for the weary walkers and boaters. A very light day lay ahead  – just over 10 miles – with an extended lunch stop, at the Fox Inn, Hanwell. There, we are to be joined by the Fun Bus himself - the great Jason Leonard,  who needs absolutely no introduction.

Nearly there...BB

Days 3 and 4


There's never much to recommend getting up at 4.30 am, but today was a
major exception. Walking along the towpath at 5 am was a joy, after the heat torture of Sunday. However, once the early morning mist lifted, and the sun broke through, things took a turn for the worse. Hot, hot, hot - and 25 miles of walking. Torture, sheer torture!


The heat seemed to affect the sanity of some people, as one boat decided to stop for tea and cakes, around 100 metres short of Cooks Wharf, our overnight stop. Why?

But there was light at the end of the tunnel, in the shape of a magnificent function at Tring Park Cricket Club, arranged by the local rugby and cricket clubs.. Tring Brewery Company provided all the beer (and cider) and food, just over a thousand pounds was raised, Peter Wheeler hosted a Q and A, which featured Dusty Hare, George Skivington and James 'Cabbage' Buckland. On top of that, through the hard work of John Stack and everybody involved, a shuttle bus service ferried us all back to the overnight mooorings, about five miles from the cricket club.


Without doubt, though, the real highlight was the presence of Hambo himself. He'd wanted to attend on Saturday, but had had a prior engagement. His sister, Amy, had bought him tickets for Peter Kay (in a cold, wet place called Manchester). Before everything kicked off, we watched the DVD which had been put together for the 6 Nations dinner. All the aches and pains of a punishing day were soon forgotten, as we saw a vivid reminder of just why we are all here, and there can't have been a dry eye in the place.



Tuesday (day 4), was an altogether easier affair. Just over ten miles, but 27 locks. Despite the short distance, a 6 am start was demanded of the lead boats, and they soon managed to upset the tetchy resident of a lockside cottage, who took exception to the lively conversation at the lock gates, complaining that it was far too early - as trains thundered by and helicopters and planes soared past. It takes all sorts!

Thank God it was cooler today!

The planned schedule catered for ten hours, but the lead boats arrived two hours early - many of the occupants took the opportunity to snatch a siesta. All the boats arrived in good time, we were joined on the towpath by Nigel Wray of Saracens ( no biscuit jokes, please!), and we were moored alongside the Fishery Pub. Mention must be made of one of the boat crew ( who likes a drink), who had managed to secure sponsorship of nearly £500 to go through the whole day without consuming any alcohol.To deposit them at a pub, with ten hours ahead of them, must have been like chaining Dracula to the front door of a blood bank!

Well done, ***!

Another 5am start tomorrow, but we're not far from journey's end, and we're going to be joined by Jason Leonard, on Thursday.

Some people are looking rather nervous, as His Honour, Judge Admiral Hanging Pugwash Jackson, has called a tour court. Draconian punishments are being mentioned. Be very careful!

Day 2


No recounts required for the quiz. No coalition negotiations. A resounding win for one of the two Wasps teams, who promptly donated their prizes to Hambo's trust, for sale or auction. A signed Lions shirt, a signed Saints shirt, a canvas of Geordan Murphy in action for Ireland, and a caricature of Lewis Moody, playing for England. Should raise a fair few quid!

Welcome guests were three young cyclists from Leicestershire, who'd raised a thousand pounds on a sponsored ride around Rutland Water.

The later start this morning was welcome, and The Heart of England pulled out all the stops, with a hastily arranged full English breakfast.




What can you say about today? Some people might welcome temperatures in the high 20s (over 80, in old money). They aren't that welcome, if you're walking long distances. There are times when a WinterWalk4 looks strangely appealing! Today consisted of a long walk at the beginning, a welcome ride through the very long Blisworth tunnel (cool and damp!), followed by seven locks in quick succession, then another long haul to Cosgrove, and the picturesque setting of the Barley Mow, right alongside the canal. Just like last year, they gave us a very warm welcome, with a Real Ale festival (£2 a pint!), and a barbecue in their huge garden.`



Hanging over all us like the Sword of Damocles is tomorrow's 25-mile marathon, and its 5am start. Grim! Waiting for us at journey's end will be a splendid bash at Tring Park cricket club, with beer from the local brewery, and local TV, various players, and the Mayor of Tring in attendance. I hope we have the energy to still be standing by then.

Until tomorrow...BB

Day 1


It began with the launch party, at Clifton Cruisers. Local TV (Central News) was there, reporting live. They interviewed Hambo and, among others, R oy (Admiral Pugwash) Jackson, who'd already given outstanding support to local brewery, the Warwickshire Beer Company. They'd created Hambo Bitter, which had gone down extremely well.


In truth, all the booze went down, as it ran out! It was probably the booze which prompted two nutters to dive into the canal. They were given a firm telling off by Matron Sue Dowse. The Hog Roast was superb, and so to bed.



Walk4Matt2010 began in earnest at 6.30 this morning, when the slick, well-oiled crews of the Leicester and Wasps boats pulled out of Clifton Cruisers. They were superb! The schedule had them down to arrive at Weedon by 4.45. They were there half an hour ahead of schedule, having toiled through baking temperatures. The other boats did not do so well . One nearly sank, when a lock was filled too quickly. One broke down, within minutes of starting, but eventually, they all reached their destination, The Heart of England, at Weedon, where leading lights from the Saints supporters, Paul Flatt and the man known to cyberspace as Beef, had prepared a fiendish quiz. Results to be confirmed after a recount.

The good news - tomorrow's 7.30 start has been put back to 9.00 (but we get going at 5 on Monday morning,, ahead of a 25-mile day). Whose bright idea was that?

Mention must be made of the Worcester and London Irish community teams, who have already done much to help the brewing industry recover from the devastating news that Dusty "Pint-a-mile" Hare was not doing the whole walk.

Temperance not very evident so far!..BB